I don't think I have ever cried while reading a blog, I actually haven't cried in months, maybe even a year. But Isaac's post made me realize something. There are three different kinds of people in this world. There are those people who go through relationships like it is nothing. There are those who experience very few and meaningful, yet in the end more painful relationships than others. Then there are the people like me, going through life observing, watching, but never experiencing. I must admit that I used to feel jealousy toward either of the above experiences, getting to "try out" different people, or investing so deeply into someone else's life that it hurts, having never experienced either for myself. After reading Isaac's post, I realized that I feel sorry for one and long even more deeply for the other.

We all long for something in life, for some it is money, others fame, even to just be normal (whatever that means anymore...). I was created perfectly by and in the image of God, and I know God did not intend for me to be alone my whole life, and I think that is why I desire for it so much, a relationship, any relationship. All this talk about embracing singleness and singleness as a spiritual gift is bullshit. Humans were designed with a drive and desire to be with other human beings. Singleness as a spiritual gift vs. as a choice is a totally different thing... I think if it is not completely our choice to be single, like my situation, that people like me need to discover and define who they are as a single person and not let the singleness define who they are.

I have a friend, who shall remain unnamed, who is single. Who has always been single. But who complains about being single to EVERYONE. I love this friend dearly, but I just wish that friend could embrace the person within instead of the person wished for...

Until I just talked to Jill, I did not think that I could feel sorry for anyone who has been through deep emotional pain, simply because I have never experienced that sort of separation. My aloneness may or may not be just as bad as loving and losing. I don't know... But I guess I feel sorry for your pain, maybe even a little that you have to endure it, but I can not feel bad for the emotions felt before the pain--the one thing I long for.